Top Ten Mistakes Women Make on Their Dating Profiles

Posted: February 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

Online dating just isn’t what it could be.  I think the main reason for this is that most people are awful at marketing themselves.  I’m sure both men and women have this problem, but I don’t spend much time shopping through men’s dating profiles, so I don’t know where exactly the chaps could most use polishing up.  Besides, that’s already been done.  Women are very outspoken about the problems with men’s dating profiles.  Which brings us to number one:

10.  Don’t dis male daters on your dating profile!  The number of women who do this is staggering.  Yes, we all know that the internet is full of mouth-breathers who will send sleazy messages to women.  It’s 2014, get over it.  Bringing attention to this on your profile knocks your classiness down like five notches.  It looks like you secretly enjoy the attention.  Just ignore all that and get on with the business of finding the man of your dreams.

9.  Don’t post photos of yourself doing yoga! yoga Yes, yoga is an excellent life practice.  Just like brushing your teeth and doing laundry.  Weightlifting is pretty important to me, but if I posted a photo of myself doing some squats or bench press, you would all think I was a douche.  Adult people exercise, and hopefully they enjoy it.  Drawing attention to it simply comes across as braggy and self-absorbed.  I hate to break it to you, but you’re not the only woman in town doing yoga.  In fact, you’re the fifth woman I’ve seen this evening who admits to being, or wanting to be, a yoga instructor.  Tell us what’s unique about YOU, or we’re going to assume (perhaps accurately) that nothing is.

8.  Don’t post photos of yourself with your girlfriends!  I don’t care if you carefully explain in the caption which one is you.  We want to date one woman, not one woman plus a bunch of her friends that we can’t have sex with.  Photos like these make it look like you’re one of those women who can never go anywhere without her girlfriends.  Too many grown women cling to their girlfriends and live a kind of mutually vicarious life through each other, dating men only in order to generate fuel for their giggly gossip sessions.  If you’re not one of those women, do yourself a favor and let us know by posting photos of yourself alone, proud and independent. But-

7.  No more selfies!  For the love of God, no more downblouse pics!  Do you think we’ve never seen that angle before?  Or that when we meet you in person, we aren’t going to notice that your cleavage isn’t quite as ample as it appeared in that photo?  And no more photos taken in the bathroom mirror!  That tells us two things: that you’re lazy, and that you spend a lot of time looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror.  Please go out into the world, interact with other human beings, and ask someone to take your photo.  It doesn’t matter if you look like shit.  At least you look like an interesting, independent person who isn’t obsessed with her beauty.

6.  Your face has the exact same expression and is at the exact same angle in every photo!  Do you think we don’t know what you’re doing?  Come on.  You look ridiculous.

5.  Do not use the phrase “they’re, there, and their”!  And not just because you’re the tenth woman I’ve seen tonight who said the exact same thing.  Congratulations, you’ve mastered basic grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Are we supposed to be impressed?  And would you really refuse to date a guy just because his written English wasn’t perfect?  Do you have any idea how snobby that makes you look?  If I wrote on my profile, “Don’t bother contacting me unless you can do it in iambic pentameter,” you would assume that I were joking, because no one could possibly be that stuck up.  If only.

4.  Don’t tell us that you “probably won’t reply”!  Every halfway attractive woman on dating websites gets tons of messages from guys, most of which they don’t reply to.  That’s understood.  If you go out of your way to mention that on your profile, it makes you look like a snob.  And now we’re definitely not going to message you.  On the other hand, if you really aren’t answering ANY messages, and aren’t using the site to find dates, then go away!  Turn your account off, you’re gumming up the site!

3.  Don’t make self-deprecatory comments about being on a dating website!  This, too, makes you look like a snob.  Online dating has proven itself useful to many men and women in finding sex, love, romance, and marriage.  If you think it’s somehow an inferior way to go about meeting people, then do everyone else a favor and go back to studiously ignoring boys at the coffee shop and waiting for your meet-cute to happen.

2.  Don’t tell us that it’s hard to summarize yourself!  Dating profiles are a low-bandwidth means of communicating your personality.  Everyone gets that.  The challenge here is to creatively use the medium to get across your personality anyway, and you just failed.  You aren’t telling us that you’re such a unique, complex, and ineffable person that you can’t possibly give us a sense of yourself in words.  You’re telling us that you’re uncreative and inarticulate, and too lazy to put any effort into your profile.  You get to put up photos; use those.  You can provide links to other websites.  You could even link to a Youtube video of yourself! (If the dating website you use doesn’t allow this, stop using it immediately.)  The possibilities are endless.

And the number one mistake that women make on their dating profiles is…

1.  Tell us what you’re going to bring to the relationship!  This is so rare, it’s kind of like finding the winged unicorn.  Is it, like, un-feminist or something to suggest that you would actually do things for the man you’re going to date?  I want you to understand that without this information, we’re basically just judging how hot we think you are and whether or not you would be too obnoxious to put up with.  Is that really what you want?

There you have it, ladies!  I’m offering this advice up free of charge.  If you like what you’ve read and want to learn more, please contact me about my one-on-one coaching services.  Happy dating!

  1. jsalvatier says:

    10,5,3,2 are all useful filters for filtering out people. For example, if they have to specify that they don’t date people who mixes up there and their, then that means they would be satisfied with someone who sometimes mixed it up and just paid extra attention around her. Thus probably not someone who you want to date.

  2. laura says:

    “And would you really refuse to date a guy just because his written English wasn’t perfect? Do you have any idea how snobby that makes you look? ”

    Yes, I would refuse to date a guy who doesn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. if he is a grown man and doesn’t care about basic grammar, what else does not care about?

    • Laura, what I usually see is something like “Don’t message me unless you know the difference between ‘they’re, their, and there’.”

      “Know”, not “care”. There’s a big difference. Not everyone has the benefit of a high level of English literacy, and it’s not necessary any fault of their own. English may be their second language, or they may have attended a very poor school system.

      But why is caring about this so important, anyway? What makes adherence to proper rules of grammar a good indicator of a person’s outlook on life? If you care about the form of a person’s words rather than the content, doesn’t that just make you shallow?

    • Also, I should point out that you made a grammatical error in your comment. What else do you not care about, Laura?

  3. Elizabeth says:

    Morgan – this is awesome! I just stumbled on your blog via Amber’s blog (love the internet wormhole). Glad to see an old high school face and I really like how you write. As someone who was online dating before it was socially acceptable – we’re talking the days of Craigslist as the primary option – I appreciate your insight here. My biggest complaint about online dating was always how impersonal/cold it could be, almost dehumanizing – remember, there’s a real, flesh-and-blood PERSON on the other end of that internet connection. Also, I have to say that we don’t give people a big enough chance online. I moved to a small farm town and met the man of my dreams at a bee club meeting, I I would never, ever have replied to him if he messaged me online. HIs spelling is atrocious, he only has a two-year college degree (gasp!), and he has no sense of what a flattering photo is. I’m so glad I met him in person, because otherwise my snobbery would have let him slip through my undeserving fingers.

    • Beth Archer?? No way! Boy, did I have the hots for you! So glad to hear you met the man of your dreams! I will now read your blog.

      • Elizabeth says:

        Wow, really? That’s flattering, especially considering that I remember myself as somewhat of a brat. I haven’t been blogging lately, but somehow the thought of someone actually reading my blog inspired me to write a post just now. Hopefully I keep it up!

      • Yeah, you were a brat, but so was I. And I have a thing for bratty women. It’s my Achilles’ Heel.

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